Push and Pull
by Chiba.Kun
Summary: "For a moment it"s as if they"re back in that damned building, him consoling her after the supposed loss of her brother. She"s letting him see her at her most vulnerable and he"s letting her fall into him, holding her together before she breaks apart. She wants to kiss him. She wants to kill him." Clover/Santa. Companion piece/sequel to Between Conversations.


She sees him in line at the coffee shop.

He's dressed like he's trying to be inconspicuous, trying to hide: he has a hat on, a long coat, hands stuffed in the pockets. But it's the scarf she recognizes that makes her need to do a double take, to check that the hair peeking out from under the hat really is white, that his eyes are the same, grey-blue and ever-defiant. They are and she nearly walks up and decks him right there, but she can practically hear Alice's voice in her head telling her to wait and pick the right moment to act.

He seems to notice her staring, because his eyes move, stopping right on her in her seat. She doesn't look away when he does; it's too late anyway. He's noticed her.

But he doesn't run. Clover sees the twitch of his lips and imagines him cursing under his breath. But he stays in line, orders his coffee, and waits for it. Her eyes don't leave him once as he takes the two cups and starts to walk away from the counter.

She puts her book down, ready to get up and follow him, but he comes to a stop right at her table and holds out one of the paper cups to her. She leans back and lets him take the seat across from her.

For a moment they're quiet. He sips at the coffee and she glares at him until he puts it down, laces his fingers together in a tent and leans forward, elbows on his knees. "Didn't want to run into you like this."

Immediately, she bristles. "Like this? You mean you didn't want to run into me at all! After what you did-"

He slams a fist on the table. "Shh! Damn it, keep your mouth shut! I-"

Clover doesn't stop. Instead she gets louder. "You'd like that, wouldn't you! You bastard, I should-"

Aoi stands up abruptly. "Not here," he says, glaring down at her. Without saying a word, he leaves. He doesn't need to speak; he knows she'll follow. Clover knows it too, and she hates him for being right, but she walks after him anyway.

She leaves the coffee behind, though.

They don't go far. Aoi leads Clover through the back alleys of the city, stopping only when they find one completely deserted. Somewhere they can be alone, out of the way of eavesdroppers, but more importantly it's somewhere unfamiliar to Clover. She should be nervous, but she isn't; all her anxiety is replaced by anger and curiosity. She won't do anything until she gets some answers.

And maybe something else.

Aoi takes a deep breath and starts again. "I didn't want to meet you like this," he mumbles. "I wanted... I tried to plan it out. I thought I'd find you first."

"By going there? A place I go all the time?" There was no way he didn't know that. Aoi must know everything about her - it wouldn't be coincidence that he was here, not when he and his sister were trying to evade law enforcement. Law enforcement she happened to be in near-constant connection with. "Why are you here, anyway?" she asks. "Shouldn't you be laying low somewhere?" Hiding in the dirt like the worm he was?

Aoi shrugs. "Heard you were looking into some things you shouldn't be."

"And where did you hear that?" She almost doesn't need to ask.

"Akane." Of course it was her. She knew everything. "I came here to keep tabs on you. Make sure you didn't stick your nose somewhere too dangerous."

"Ha!" Clover rolls her eyes. "Like you care! Or did you just conveniently forget that you put me in one of the most dangerous situations I've been in my whole life?"

"You wouldn't have died," he says. "Kubota was the only one-"

"I don't believe you. Why should I?"

Aoi looks away from her. His posture is still slack, relaxed, but what little fight was in him seems to fly out with his next words: "Because I never wanted to hurt you."

 _He stands a few feet from her as she leans against the wall, trying not to let him see her cry, but he does, and steps slowly toward her. "Snake isn't dead," he says, as if reading her mind, and she folds in on herself. Santa reaches for her, grips her shoulder firmly, and she looks at him with red, swollen eyes. He pulls her close and buries his nose in her hair._

 _"He's not dead. He's not."_

 _Clover whimpers. He voice is small when she asks him how he can possibly know that, and Santa just sighs. "Because your brother's not stupid," he mumbles. "The ninth man died because he broke a rule, right?" He's lifted his chin now and he stares at the ceiling as he speaks. "I don't think Snake's the rule-breaking type. And he's too smart to get tricked."_

 _"B-but someone... might have..."_

 _Aoi shakes his head and pulls her out of his arms, holding her so the she has to look directly into his eyes. "Don't even think about it."_

 _She opens her mouth to protest, but shuts it again when he wipes a tear from her cheek. "There's no point. Nobody would get anywhere by..." He swallows thickly. "Besides, everyone else around here is too fuckin' stupid to pull something like that off. You think Junpei has that kinda smarts in him? Or Seven?"_

 _Her shoulders twitch in a sort of half-laugh, and Aoi smiles. He wipes another tear from her cheek and pulls away. "Plus..." Aoi scratches he back of his head, suddenly self-conscious, and stuffs his other hand into a pocket. "He's got a good luck charm. He can't die while he's got you."_

 _He walks away, leaving her alone to think and her heart to beat heavily against her chest._

"Liar," Clover spits, but the flutter in her chest is there. She remembers the moment vividly. "You told me all that and then you _still_ made me think he was dead!"

"I had to!" Aoi is yelling now, too, stepping forward. Clover instinctively backs up. "Everything I did in there I did for her! For Akane! For my _sister_!" Every exclamation is accentuated with another clunking step forward. "You think I wanted to put you through that? Any of you? It nearly fucking _killed_ me to make you think you were suffering the way I did!"

Clover's back is pressed up against the wall now, and she looks at Aoi with wide, terrified eyes. He pushes forward, though, both hands pressed to the concrete wall, one on either side. She's trapped now, and she closes her eyes, trying to concentrate -

One of Aoi's hands grips her chin and forces her to face him. "Don't even think about calling for him," he hisses.

Clover opens her eyes again and looks directly into Aoi's. She says nothing, but he can feel her anger. She wants to ask him why not, but they both know the answer.

His grip loosens suddenly, and now his touch feels almost gentle. His gaze softens too: he isn't worried or defiant or angry anymore; instead he's curious, as if he's wondering how far he can push her before she starts fighting back for real.

For a moment it's as if they're back in that damned building, him consoling her after the supposed loss of her brother. She's letting him see her at her most vulnerable and he's letting her fall into him, holding her together before she breaks apart. She wants to kiss him. She wants to kill him.

She does neither.

Aoi beats her to it. He presses their lips together, softly, eyes open, like he isn't sure she won't break after all. She doesn't respond except by closing her eyes and letting him do what he wants, because this isn't about her. Aoi is apologizing. He's apologizing for what he had to put her through and for standing by it because in the end it saved a little girl's life. He's apologizing for wanting to see her but not being able to stay. He's apologizing for giving her hope and then crushing it, both then and now.

When he pulls away, he looks down at her, eyes half-lidded and downcast. He's looking at their feet, the half-inch of space between the tips of their toes, the concrete beneath their soles, anything, as long as it's as far from her eyes as possible.

Clover grabs the front of his shirt and tugs him forward, forcing him to look at her now.

"You shouldn't be here," she whispers, wanting to spit in his face, wanting her voice to carry all the fury she's bottled up, but instead it comes out weak and concerned, telling him to leave but pleading for him to stay. Aoi sighs.

"I know."

"Does she?"

He chews the inside of his mouth and looks away. "...I don't know. Probably." She knows everything.

Clover lets go. "Then you should leave." Her grip falters and breaks away and she deflates, slumping against the wall she hadn't realized had been the only thing holding her up. Aoi's hands are off her now, held tight to his sides. It takes a few seconds of silence and fighting back tears before Clover can push herself away from the wall and sidestep the man. She walks and doesn't look back until he calls her name.

"Clover! Wait!"

She spins on her heels and glares at him. The tears are still threatening to fall. "I won't call the police," she snaps. "Not this time. But if you ever, _ever_ try this again-!"

She's cut off from her threats for the second time, because before she can even register the movement Aoi is on her again, kissing her deeply, holding her close, almost too tight. His eyes are scrunched closed; hers are wide until they slide shut, once again letting him take control. She doesn't want to leave his embrace, because if she does then she may never see him again.

She wants to deny it - she wants to deny it so badly - but she is hopelessly attracted to him; she has been from the moment he tried to console her on the fake ship, and even after she learned the truth. Because as much as she didn't trust him, she knew he hadn't been lying about not wanting to hurt her.

They part again and stare at each other. There's nothing left to say, but Aoi smiles anyway.

Maybe this isn't the last time they will meet after all. It's all Clover can dare to hope for as she turns and runs away, silently promising to let him go.


End file.
